Forgetting

It's been four months and I still keep finding it hard to believe you're mine. It still seems like a dream to me and I feel that you would just dissipate, like you never existed, if I don't see you and touch you. I know that it makes me seem incredibly clingy and possessive and I hate being that way because I know how it feels to be possessed, in more ways than one. It's a horrible feeling that I would never want to inflict on anyone. So, I have been trying; but it's just so hard for me. I can't seem to come to terms with myself, to accept that you have pulled me away from the "hell" I have been living in for the past three years. Of course "hell" would be too harsh a term to label it I suppose, but that's what it feels like when I compare it to now. This is putting a strain on our relationship for sure but you and I are both willing to make it work, and it makes me feel that I'm not trying hard enough when I see the amount of stress and effort you put in to try and make it work, to try and make me forget what happened in the past. I feel that I have failed you miserably. My insecurities and misgivings have to go, after all you've done nothing to make me feel insecure about. When I sum up everything we have been through, I still feel that the good times outweigh the bad times tenth-fold and I'm happy being with you, I have no reason to be upset or emo about anything!

Well, now that that's off my chest, I feel that I should write about something cheerful. After all, everything I've written about so far is so bleak and depressing.

Tomorrow is my four-month aniversary with M and I'm really excited! I just can't wait to see what he has planned (= I almost feel like a teenager again, putting together my clothes and makeup in my head, wondering what accessories would go best with my outfit and I can't believe I'm all giggles and smiles thinking about the romantic movie we're watching and how I can snuggle up close to him. OMG. I'm acting like my boy-crazy-idol-chasing, fourteen year old sister, and I thought I was way past that stage! Well, it's just that M makes me feel so young and carefree and un-tied-down. He makes me think and worry less about the future and think and live more for the moment and that's the best thing I can ever have. From now on, no more moody, emo char! It's just bubbly, excited, cheerful char! After three years of disappearing, I'm back again. It's nice to be me again and I only have M to thank for that.

Happy 4th Month Anniversary, Dear. I love you with all my heart. <3<3<3

-xoxo the smelly priest