Rantings and Ramblings

Please, anyone.

2009-10-04T06:08:00.002+08:00

Who are you? I do not know you. Is there anything between us? If there is, what is it? Please tell me, because I need to know. Without knowing I cannot live. Why is there always something missing? Can you tell me what is it; because I don't know and I have a feeling I will never know. We meet each other everyday, almost everyday, but I still don't know. I'm so confused because the two of you are worlds apart, so much so, I cannot tell what I may and possibly be doing wrong. If there is a possibility, will one of you tell me? Tell me, what I did that could be so possibly wrong that I don't know what is going on. Please, I beg of one of you, anyone of you - What did I do that could have been so possibly wrong?

Touching My Heart

2009-08-05T01:38:00.006+08:00

Marie Digby - Feel

Feels like I spent all this time talking to walls
Feels like I gotta let go of the way it was before
Are your really there? Are you made of stone?
Am I talking to someone or am I here all alone

[Chorus]
Are you alive, don't you feel, feel, feel?
Show me you're here, show me your tears
Don't your feel, feel, feel, feel?
Show me, hold me, speak up and tell me something
Change my mind before it's too late
Are you alive, show me you're human
Can't you feel, feel, feel, feel?

Seems like you're stuck in a daze, slipping away, away
I'm sick of trying to reach you, can't you say what's on your mind
Baby we're losing the race too far behind, behind
Tell me that I'm not the only one who can try, who can fight the wall

[Chorus]
Are you alive, don't you feel, feel, feel?
Show me you're here, show me your tears
Don't you feel, feel, feel, feel?
Show me, hold me, speak up and tell me something
Change my mind before it's too late
Are you alive, show me you're human
Can't you feel, feel, feel, feel?

Sometimes the words they don't get through
What really speaks is what you do
Open up, let me inside, just wanna find you

[Chorus]
Are you alive, are you, are you?
Show me you're here, show me your tears
Don't your feel, feel, feel, feel?
Show me, hold me, speak up and tell me something
Change my mind before it's too late
Are you alive, show me you're human
Can't you feel, feel, feel, feel?

Whoa, wake up, are you dead?

Thanks for introducing it to me.

Long Overdue Updates

2009-07-23T12:52:00.001+08:00

An entry is long overdue. I haven't been able to find the time or the capacity to blog, things have just been so hectic ever since I made plans to come to James Cook University. Firstly, I think some explanations are required, especially to my friends from SIM.

James Cook University is an Australian-based university. They have 3 universities scattered over Australia. The Psychology program offered is basically the best in Singapore currently. It's an accelerated course of a 2 year degree program. The third year is for honours and if the criteria is fulfilled in the honours year, you can skip the masters and go straight to a doctorate. Obviously, the grading criteria is insane. You basically need to obtain a distinction or high distinction in all the modules you undertake, especially for me as I have 8 exemptions. My degree course is shortened to 1 year for 4 months. However, I am going to take an extra semester because I want to space out my modules so I don't have so much to cope with. I figure, after all I'm paying for the modules not the semesters so it doesn't really matter how long I take, still the same price.

Basically, these 4 weeks have been insane. The amount of work and classes has been quite overwhelming and demanding, especially for the fact that I've decided to take higher level modules, which is obviously not recommended in the first semester. In any case, that's all I've got to say on my current situation.

I definitely made a few good friends in SIM and I really really miss them. Especially, Van, Skye, Tinny and Ann. You guys are my lovable Green Tea Clubbers. I definitely miss the classes where we doodle away on paper and play hangman in class. LOL. I miss Terry and his insatiable desire of snapping rabbit's necks off and Steve and Lydz and their horniness. MAN, good times! Oh well, I guess all I can do is look forward. When I left MGS, I kept missing the days there and kept wanting to go back just for one normal day of 7.30am - 2.15pm school. When I left SFMS, I wanted just one more day too and now that I've left SIM, I want one more day too, but that never happens. I shall not be emo. I forgot to mention how much I miss chattering away with Sandra during lessons about our boys or before they became our boys. Heh.

In any case, a basic update on what I do these days is mahjong, usually on Friday and Saturday nights, going out with mel, doing this mystery shopper job which means travelling to all the Esso stations around Singapore, asking questions and handing out money for questions correctly answered, my weekends from last week, this week and the next week will be at my cousin's car company, we're having a car boot sale, selling anything but cars (me selling plushies), my classes and night classes, meeting old friends, playing dota. I don't have to to sleep. Meh ): Oh wells, I'm enjoying life, a busy life has its quirks. When I was in SIM, it was so slack that everyday I just dove more and more into the art of doing nothing. At least now, I feel alive. Somewhat. I just wish I could have more time for sex. (Sandra just wondering when sex was going to pop up :D)

To sum up my rojak entry, if you're interested in visiting the car boot sale, it's just beside the old queensway movie theater, it's this weekend, 25th and 26th July, and next weekend, 1st and 2nd Aug, you can call me at 81118288 for more details. It's like a mini pasam malam where all our items for sale are placed in the car boots. I'm selling my plushies, some clothes and books, archie comics too, and other vendors are selling things like laptop covers, bags, clothes, handmade accessories, purses, DVDS, food and beverages. There are also games and prizes to be won! There's also a Wii machine which you can play for free, so do come support and enjoy yourselves. Drop me a line if you're interested, thanks! :D

Cheers!

Signing off,
Charrrr

Anime Frenzy

2009-04-09T02:17:00.006+08:00

The past few days have been filled with nothing but Anime. It seems like the past 2 years without my Anime have created an insatiable void in me that's craving to be filled. I just can't stop watching them. It started last week when my brother told me that Full-Metal Alchemist (FMA) has a new season out. FMA, being my favourite Anime of all time, I wasted no time procrastinating or hesitating. I just clicked on his link and streamed it. Well, it was just the first episode so there really isn't much to judge or comment yet. Still, after such an awesome first season, I can't see how bad it can be. I need to find that season though, my memory is pretty hazy because I watched them at least 4 years ago. If you're interested to watch it, go to http://animeblogz.com.

After watching that episode of FMA, I decided to try other Animes and chanced upon "Claymore". OMG. It is beyond fantastic I'm telling you. It's definitely a must-watch Anime for all Anime lovers. Also, if you're a fan of gore and fighting, that's a great one for you too. Trust me, it's worth watching this one:D.

The main character of Claymore is a girl named Clare. She belongs to an organisation specialised in hunting Yoma (Demons). The organisation is labeled "Claymore" by regular people. They are a group of females that have special powers to fight demons. They are often feared by the regular people and can be recognised by their silver eyes. Claymores are not regular human beings. They are made up of half-human and half-yoma parts. The creation of a Claymore is made via a human female ingesting demon parts. During the course of the Anime, we are shown what makes Clare the way she is and what makes her special and also what makes her more human and compassionate than any of the other Claymores. Not to mention, the fight scenes are awesome. (Lots of heads and arms getting chopped off =/.)

Rating: 10/10 (I'm just waiting for Season 2, but it doesn't seem to be happening )=.)

Here's another one. This is what I'm watching at the moment. This is the third episode because I feel that the first 2 episodes are pretty boring. The fun seems to be starting here. I've read comments of other Anime lovers that it only starts to get fantastic Episode 30 and up but I haven't got that far so I'll just leave Episode 3 here for your viewing.

Watch D. Gray Man Episode 3 in English Subtitles

Basically D. Gray Man is similar to Claymore in the sense that it is about a fight between Good and Evil, just in a different style and form. The main character is a young boy who is an exorcist. His name is Allen Walker.

Well, I'm really bad at sypnosis because I'm often too lazy to formulate them so I'll just post videos. Heh. In any case, here are some Anime recommendations of my own.

Fruits Basket
Full-Metal Alchemist
Full-Metal Panic
Bleach
Claymore
D. Gray Man
Ouram-High School Club
Chobits
Nana

Enjoy them! (:

This is a good streaming site, hardly any MegaVideo streams.
http://www.anilinkz.com/

These 2 are pretty good, hardly any MegaVideo streams.

Warning: Westmall's Arcade

2009-04-09T00:05:00.003+08:00

Just last Saturday, Melvyn and I had the misfortune of vising Westmall's arcade. I'm extremely disgusted by their horrible service attitude, and that's saying something. I am very hard to displease. I suppose, due to the huge amount of electricity consumption by their newly added toy-catching machines, a power trip occurred. The entire area of toy-catching machines, as well as, Sweet Land, simply went dark.

The most ironic thing of the encounter was this:

Oh yes, the hook stuck in the middle of nowhere, the piglet I was attempting to capture, and judging from positioning I would have caught it. Which brings me to the part where they failed to get the power back on. There we stood, foolishly in front of the aforementioned piglet machine for at least half an hour, waiting for the horribly disorganized staff to fix the power failure. Failing to diagnose the problem and bring the power back up, the staff did not so much as attempt to address the people foolishly waiting for their money and chances stuck inside the machines, until we, the foolish people confronted them.

There's Melvyn in the white shirt, amidst the group of dissatisfied customers, waiting for the staff to render us with a suitable solution. Well then, as I mentioned earlier, I'm an extremely dissatisfied customer, horribly disgusted by their lack of service. The only solution they gave us was to record our game cards in the system and lock it down so they can return us our credit to the specific machine when we return to the arcade at a later date. As staff of a game arcade, their lack of understanding of their own services simply disappoint me.

Toy-catching is based on chance and position. It takes much more than 1 credit to get your prize positioned to the exact position for catching. Once you miss that chance, you are going to spend much more than that 1 credit you use on a capture attempt to get the toy in a suitable position once again. Not to mention, the fact that our cards are locked down, unable us to use that particular card in other arcades.

I feel more strongly towards those playing Sweet Land at the moment. Let me explain. Sweet Land's main objective is not to catch sweets, but to hit the jackpot. There are 3 stages in the road to the jackpot. The stages are labeled A, B, and C. It takes approximately 5 bubbles to reach each stage. C is the last stage. After C, it takes 5 more bubbles to hit the jackpot. At the jackpot, you get a stuffed toy. When you scoop up the sweets onto the platform, the sweets at the front line usually fall off the platform into the "hole". Only when a sweet falls at the specific tiny tab right in the middle of the platform, you then get a bubble up. There is a spinner, like the Wheel of Fortune that sees how many bubbles up you will get, ranging from 1 to 3. The machines are usually rigged and it always ends at 1. So imagine, you need at least 1 credit to get 1 bubble up, and in total, there are 21 bubbles if I'm not wrong, and there are many chances that you miss that tab. Imagine how many credits the player would lose if he was at C when the power trip occurred. Totally unfair, isn't it?

Remind me never to go back to Westmall's arcade. Let this serve as a warning and insight to their extremely dissatisfying service and attitudes.

Footnote: Who are you Arameya?

Caffeine and me.

2009-04-03T05:41:00.004+08:00

Coffee. The staple of every Singaporean's diet. I'm no different. The aroma of freshly brewed coffee wafting through the air simply awakens all your senses. It is like a drug waiting, amidst wispy clouds of white steam, for you to indulge in it. Picking up the handle, you breathe in the addictive aroma before lowering your lips into the foamy depths. The first gulp brings a rush so relaxing and refreshing nothing can compare. Not drugs, not alcohol, no cigarettes; caffeine.

Okay, enough fantasizing about coffee. This is my favourite coffee! McCafe's Mochacinno! Yummy :D I took this picture earlier at the Macs at East Coast Park and it just looks so good I had to find an excuse to post it!

Coffee is just an essential part of my life. I can't survive without it. It's like the nicotine in a smoker's cigarette for me. It's my drug. If there's one thing I can't live without is my coffee! My philosophy in life: Coffee and sex. That's all you need! :D

Relishing that Slackiness

2009-03-31T11:08:00.004+08:00

It's a girls night out, and all the boys were eliminated! Sorry Zhong Jian and Melvyn. Boys just suck, and girls RULE! :x Ah, just for that day. You guys are still important to us. :)

Char came over to fetch me at 12 am. She was so sweet, driving all the her place at Bukit Timah to Ang Mo Kio to bring me to her house. I'll probably do the same for her, but I ain't got no car and NO LICENSE! #$%^&* to the instructor who failed me. We dropped by Mac to pickup some food for me. I was hungry!

Oh well, when we reached her place, all was asleep and we made our way to her cosy little room with Baileys and milk! Yum I love that concoction all right. But we didn't manage to drink much, it's more like I fell asleep soon after and Charmaine was watching "4bia", that thai movie which featured 4 freaky stories. She was online (no I don't know what she was doing, I was asleep) until 5am, and I woke up at 7.30am and I simply woke her up. I'm mean I know, but I can't help it. I just like to roll around her, and incidently it just woke her. So we talked until it's 10.30am, shared alot of bullshit about our boys, about my work, about her studies, about everything that we didn't have time to catch up to. And I think I made a pretty stupid comment.

"I don't want to see your brother and sister."

"Why?"

"They simply remind me of how old I am."

"Wtf?"

Maybe it's a fact that I first saw Clarence and Charlene when they were in Primary School, and that I can't erase that youthfulness that comes along when I think of them. When I see that both of them are taller and bigger than me, I can't help but feel annoyed at how much older I've grown. I like to be some sort of timeless beauty.

I think the most interesting part of our conversation wasn't the above, but was centric around Naval Piercing. Woo~ It's a priority list thingy from secondary school, we so wanted to try that time. But Naval Piercing is expensive to go for, and the studs are also expensive. I had little pocket money then, but now that I'm working, it sounds perfect. (Also because there's the danger factor of naval piercing, that you can't be too active with it. People who know me will know that I'm hyperactive. )

So I managed to goad Charmaine into it. I like to share something similar with my close friends, like clothes, wallet, and this time, naval piercing. We GPS-ed our way down to Parkway Parade to Stege, and I got a pink one and Char's got her favourite colour in Purple.

To Char: We should go do something special like this again, though I need to think what special things we can still do. I think holiday next. Muacks.

Meanwhile, we went to shop for things that actually can show our tummies. We decided to buy a similar jacket, which we both really like. Man we have similar taste too. MUACKS. And no, that doesn't really show our tummies unless we wear a tube inside.

Walked around some more and I can feel Char wanting to wake Melvyn up and meet him (she's like calling him 1001 times) , and my wanting to go back home to find Zhong Jian. Eventually, Char sent me back (again with GPS) and I think she went to find Melvyn to show him her new naval piercing.

I love naval piercing. Everyone should get it too!

Health Matters

2009-03-30T23:29:00.009+08:00

I was shopping with Tiffany at Parkway Parade yesterday and we came across a health store. These health posters on nutrition and blood type were plastered over the glass doors and we found it to be pretty accurate in its assesstment of us. I'll post them so it may help those interested to improve their health.

This is a perfect assestment of Melvyn. He is indeed analytical and visionary. I give him that. He usually wins hands down at games that require some analyzing, while I'm completely crap at it. He is definitely very settled, so relaxed and happy all the time and also MOTIONLESS. (Okay sorry dear, I'm just kidding!) The strengths and weaknesses apply very much to him too when it comes to food. I doubt very much he would like it if I were to explain why so I will just leave some room for pondering.

B. Well, that's me and Tiffany. I won't say it's completely accurate, but it's more or less there. We both really do have strong immune systems. I for one haven't gotten a fever for at least 5 years or more. Versatility applies more to me than Tiffy though, I'm less picky with food, or rather I am hardly picky with food. Therefore, I really doubt changes in environment and dietary plans would affect me very much. At least, definitely not as much as how they would affect Melvyn, that's for sure (;.

Sad to say, AB is quite rare and I can't find anyone I know well that has AB. Let me know if you're AB then I can update this section!

I was very lucky that there is someone in my household that's of blood type O, so that I can do this comparison study of accuracy. That person is my dearest, beloved Mother, and boy does this fit her to a 'T'. A career woman for years, my Mother has always been the person I admired most. She's really independent and strong. I've seen her at work before and she's really formidable at handling arrangements and her staff effectively, without being tyrannical at all. She's a really nice boss from what I've observed. (I'm not saying this because she's my Mom, it's just true.) It seems that the Weaknesses are accurate but I think that the Strengths are pretty off; correct me if I'm wrong Mom, but yeah, that's how I see it.

As far as my comparison goes for now, I would give it 95% accuracy. So, that being said please look up yours and let me know how accurate it is so I can improve my comparisons and actually consider introducing the store to my Dad, who is really interested in health consumption products. Also, those that want to keep fit and healthy, all the best!

The Thrill of Baiting

2009-03-29T05:35:00.009+08:00

Melvyn's been taking me to watch prawning and pole-fishing at East Coast Park. There's a prawning/pole-fishing business, which according to him, is relatively new. We've been there a couple of times, slotting visits between the plushie machines and there. The two places are about a 5 minute walk away from each other. I can't remember the name of the pond, but I'll be sure to take some pictures the next time we go there.

I'm not really an outdoorsy type of person but I'm game to try new things once in awhile. I was really intrigued by the fun the people were having - hooking prawns and running all over the pond to tire a fish out, so much so that I agreed to my brother's request of going fishing on Friday. Right now I look like a lobster, sunburnt everywhere.

I must have struck Melvyn, my brother, and his friend as a really strange person. While everyone was waiting around for their fishes, I abandoned my big rod for the others to watch and had my father fashion me a small line to hook tiny fishes. I caught a fair few! I even caught a baby mango jack! Imagine that. My tiny rod, meant to catch tiny fishes, caught a baby mango jack! I regret not taking a photo of it though. Had to throw it back because it had a little skin on the side ripped off, exposing some of its organs. That's probably why I was able to catch it; because it was injured.

However, I did manage to catch something that wasn't injured and wasn't at all weak - a baby catfish.

The photos aren't clear, but you get the general idea. Click on the second photo, the larger image shows the front of the catfish clearly. A real, genuine, baby catfish. It was pretty too, shimmering white. I wanted to keep it so badly, but Melvyn told me they sting and it would be quite inconvenient removing the hook and taking it back, so we had to cut the line and throw it back.

It was still a great day and we all had fun. We're already planning our next fishing trip, but this time I'll be prawning instead. Melvyn reckons I'll be good at it, seeing how good I am at catching tiny fishes. After all, it's a similar concept - just know when to pull and pull. He even says I'm going to be him and Mark's bait-catcher when they go to Bedok Jetty next. I look forward to it!

The Craziness of Charmaine

2009-03-23T04:14:00.009+08:00

Why is it, every time I read about a disorder I realise I have it? Am I really that hypochondriac or is it really real? Just last week, I was doing a literature review on Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, and then, the more I read, the more I kept having this nagging feeling that I have some form of it, minor or major. For those that do not know,
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) is a type of anxiety disorder in which a patient is habitually subjected to intrusive or disturbing thoughts and impulses (obsessions), which are unfounded. These obsessions lead to the engagement of repetitive behaviors (compulsions). When I say repetitive behaviors, I mean activities such as the repeated washing of hands, counting the number of times you wash each side of each arm, or just counting in general.

So, I say I have OCD, why? Well, when I shower, I will smooth water off my face. Most people do not keep track of how many times they do it in one shower, but I do. When I hit the third time, I will smooth water off my face again, because I think 3 is a bad number, and I don't like 4 either, because 4 means si in hokkien, which means die. So, it will end up at 5 usually, but if for some reason or another, I go past 5 and end up at 6, I will go to 7. Well, because 7 is a neutral number and 6 is the devil's number. I won't go to 8, because 8 means huat in hokkien, which means it's a good luck number so I for some reason will always pick a neutral number. The same goes for the number of times I wash my hands while in the shower. With soap. Superstition or OCD?

That's the first point, now the second. Do you ever notice, how many commas I have in a sentence and how I like to repeat certain things I say, whether with the same usage of words or not? I'm not saying I count the number of commas I use or purposely repeat stuff, I don't think I am that crazy. I notice it when I re-read my stuff. Next, when I turn the volume up and down on my car's radio or on a stereo or air-con controller or whatever, they cannot have a 3 or 4 in them. So if my boyfriend turns the stereo in the car up to 24, I will make it 22 or 25. Superstition or OCD? Lastly (well that's all I can think of for now; my actions that I link to OCD), when I'm waiting for time to past, I like to count the seconds. I will count from 1 to 60, then rinse and repeat until the time is up. So then, please tell me, do I have OCD, or some form of it, whether major or minor?

Moving along, I most definitely have sleep disorder, I can never sleep. I need to lie there for 2 hours each time before I can fall asleep. So, we will skip this one.

Anxiety disorder. My boyfriend insists that I have it. Well, once again, for those that don't know. Anxiety disorder is a blanket term covering several different forms of abnormal and pathological fears and anxieties, mostly unfounded.

Why do I think I have it then? I worry about the most irrelevant, illogical things, often very very negative. Whenever I cook myself something to eat in the middle of the night, I will go back downstairs, to the kitchen, to check the stove 3-4 times, to make sure I have shut it properly. I fear the kitchen will explode. I will never put my face close to the stove to check on the food. I fear the stove will explode. I will never leave my door unlocked at night. I fear a burglar will come in. (Please note, my house has an alarm system.) I dislike it when people throw a cigarette butt near my car and do not stub it out, I fear that when my car rolls over it, my car will explode. Just to be sure, these are minor fears that are inside me most of the time, but they are not that serious till they consume any part of my life.

Fears aside, lets talk about the negative thoughts. Lets say if I go to class and one of my classmates doesn't talk much and looks stony. What will Char think - I think I did something wrong to piss him/her off, or, I think he/she hates me, or, It's definitely my fault. Yes. This is what Char thinks all the time but doesn't say, and yes I will worry. When other people would be thinking, maybe he/she is in a bad mood, I would be thinking that it is me who caused him/her to be in this state. Or, if I forget to thank my boyfriend's parents' for dinner, I will keep worrying and asking my boyfriend if his parents noticed or if they will hate me. To generalise it, I read deeply into the actions of others and think the worst and most negatively about anything that happens, and most of the time, I will think that it is my fault that it happened.

That certainly does not help my boyfriend. Obviously not, when I keep wondering and thinking of the million different ways of why he would hate me and why he should dump me. You know, there's only a limit to the amount of patience and reassurance one can dish out and I'm afraid this limit would come soon. See, I'm doing it again. Ugh. So yes, he even asked me what treatments are available for Anxiety Disorder. It's that bad it seems ): I told him, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy - where you first try and build up one's self-esteem and general idea about themselves, then proceed towards changing their perception of scenarios that occur, from negative to positive. He actually wants to try! I think it's that bad, maybe that's why I have sleep disorder, because so many unfounded, negative thoughts are running through my mind each night so that I can't sleep. That being said, I think it's now time for another attempt of sleeping.

P.S. Those who read this, please do not think I'm crazy ):

Blogshop-o-logy

2009-03-23T03:18:00.004+08:00

It seems I'm really getting into this blogshop thing. Right now, blogshop traffic isn't really on my priority list, I'm just having all the fun in getting my blogshop to look great. I'm even considering getting another blogshop set up for my own stuff, get rid of my clutter at really low prices. After all, there really isn't any harm in it. Setting up a blogshop is free, and if it's successful, there's really alot of knowledge and experience to be gained from it. Moreover, I really get a kick out of creating it. It's intriguing really, bringing me back to my poly days; all the trial-and-error coding. Although there isn't really much I want to remember from my poly days, I'd say it's a strange nostalgic feeling and improving one's IT knowledge, or adding to it for that matter, isn't all that bad.

Delving deeper, there's really alot more to learn in creating your own blogshop. I was browsing the net the other and found a really good website on how to improve your blogshop traffic. It seems that behind all the pretty pictures and words on a blogshop, there is a whole throve of knowledge applied. It's like a whole new language that can even be described as sheer poetry. It's not as easy as it sounds, having your own blogshop. There are so many kinks and strategies you must use if you intend for your blogshop to be a success. For instance - credibility. This is one of the most important factors in bringing your blogshop to success. The most important even.

Put yourself in the consumer's shoes: You are looking to purchase an item from the internet. What's the first thing you would look for? That's right, it's credibility. Would you even consider purchasing an item when there is no vote of confidence behind it? For example, if you see something you really like on an internet blogshop and all the particular blogshop has is a picture of the item and a price below, with an email link to send a message to if you want to purchase the item, would you then be willing to part with your hard-earned cash to place a bet on an item you may not receive? You would worry about being cheated. You would wonder, who is the person you are getting this item from, is this person real? At the end of the day, with so many worries in mind, the ultimate result would be, to not purchase the item. Would you? I wouldn't.

Well then, to solve this problem what would you do? This blog's writer suggests that one should set up an "About Me" page to show consumers that you are actually "real". It seems that leaving one's facebook or friendster link would also help. At least, the consumers would know who they are buying from, and it makes them feel much safer, planting this thought in mind, "If this blogshop owner is really trying to cheat me, why would he/she be willing to post his/her details, I can easily find him/her". Another good way to promote credibility, is to ask your customers to leave testimonials on your blog about the value of your services. I mean anyone can claim "best condition", "best service","best value" or so on and so forth, but that is just an unsubstantiated claim, isn't it? He says, "Proving what you say will build credibility".

I agree very much with what he says. I find that, if you want to do business, it is important to put oneself in a consumer's shoes; to know what you want as a consumer. It is definitely the best way to know what they want, and in doing so, that is how you improve the traffic on your blogshop.

Thank you, Clemence, for your insight on managing a blogshop!

Link to Clemence's post if you missed it earlier:
http://www.blogshophelp.com/2008/06/how-credible-is-your-blogshop.html

New Dawn

2009-03-21T05:22:00.007+08:00

Good riddance. I have just realised how long a hiatus I've taken from my blog, that long until I even forgot my login info. I was over at blogspot going crazy trying to figure out my password and then I realised my blog, is actually at wordpress. Sandy is going to laugh at me. Yet again. Hmms. Life has been too good to me, it's going to take something back, I know that but I'm not going to waste my time being emo and awaiting the unexpected. My anxiety disorder isn't that bad. If compare my life now to this time last year, I would say, I've gone a long long way and I'm appreciating and loving every moment of it. I'm at that point when I'm ready to wake up and tell myself - It's all real, stop worrying about it all disappearing. Still, I just can't. I know something bad is going to happy, it's all to good. I'm too happy and content, something bad is going to happen to take it all away. One can't be that lucky, just one of the rules of fate. I just can't shake that feeling of impending doom. Sigh. What am I going to do with myself. Maybe, Psychology just ain't a good option for me. The more I read, the more I keep associating myself with all sorts of disorders. I'm becoming a hypochondriac. See, I'm doing it again. Argh. I'll keep this post short, it's a warm up post since I've been away for so long. My brain is searching for things to say but nothing is coming up. Must be withdrawal. Oh yes, I'm also suffering from iPhone withdrawal symptoms. The waranty of my iPhone with Singtel is void, because I dropped it in the toilet and the water damage indicator is bright red. That was a couple of months ago. Miraculously, I got it to work by blowing it toasty warm with a hairdryer and it works fine. Right now, the sound/vibration button doesn't work and I got all upset about it, I started sourcing Mocca.com for people wanting to buy used iPhones. Then, I realised noone is going to want a phone that is warranty void. Ugh. So, I started sourcing for third-party iPhone repairs and came across a forum about a guy who does iPhone repairs. He's sort of freelance. Of course, I've got my misgivings, but he seems reliable. Right now, I'll just have to wait then, or maybe that's the impending doom coming. The guy makes off with my iPhone and disappears. Okay, time to stop, the negative thoughts just ain't helping me. Since my last post, I've stopped with the psychology book because I felt that my brain was on overload and I should take a break, but now, even after so long when I want to start again I think it's a bad idea, seeing all the negative thinking going around in my head now. It's alarm bells not to start. In any case, I know this post has been sort of rambly and unlinked and random so I'll stop off here for today. Before that though, I want to advertise my new blogshop! Here's a little advert then.

Looking for affordable little gifts/trinkets of affection for your loved ones, look no further. We have exactly what you need to put a smile on their faces. Cute, lovable, hugable plushies that are readily available; waiting patiently for you to take them home. Visit http://plushi-o-logy.blogspot.com today!

Basically, the origin of this website. Mel and me have a really really bad habit of spending our money at toy-catching machines. Unfortunately, to us, it's a great pastime. It's so stimulating and thrilling that we have turned it into one of our date events. Almost every week, we will go plushie-hunting to fulfill our horribly-placed release of brain adrenaline. Sounds stupid, but we can't deny our pleasure at working our brain cells to the bone to drop the cute plushies into the holes! :D So yea, I put up the website in hopes of finding a good way to finance our pleasure and also to showcase our conquests! Just a note, all the plushies are first hand! I do not cuddle them all to sleep at night. I put them in a clean, dry place, so rest-assured, they are NOT secondhand. ((: Please visit my blogshop then, if you like something, drop me an email! ^^

Cheers, signing off for now!

Disturbing Thoughts (Warning: Some disturbing materials involved)

2008-11-10T04:46:00.001+08:00

Recently, I've been thinking alot. My mind filled with thousands of thoughts flitting about, some interfering with others, criss-crossing and dissecting each other. I think it has to do with the amount of material I've been reading for the past week or so. Living in a safe and secure environment like Singapore, it's sometimes difficult to imagine situations and circumstances out of the ordinary. Out of the ordinary meaning things that do not and will never occur within the stringent boundaries of my society. However, the books I have been reading are those of a different culture of society, where the worst imaginable is reality.

As a undergrad of Psychology, the type of material that I have taken upon myself are those of mental abuse, torture and psychological concepts. I've forced that material upon myself in hopes of widening and broadening my mind to accept these concepts. It is difficult sometimes coming from a background that would never abhor such a mindset. I find myself concentrating hard to swallow some of these books when reading should actually be a relaxation and pleasurable way of passing time. I feel that as Psychology would be my future destiny I should force these upon myself, to be accustomed to what I may be dealing with in time to come. If I'm unable to stomach these realities happening in the world outside my comfort zone then my world would be as narrow and claustrophobic as the society I'm living in and I would find many difficulties coping with my future endeavors.

Since I've started this course, I've been purchasing and borrowing plenty of books to do with dementia, personality disorder, multiple personality disorder, schizophrenia and mania. Along with that are books and stories of true experiences of physical and mental torture. Sometimes even sexual abuse amongst the family. Before I can learn the psychological concepts linked to these books I must first accustom myself and widen my threshold of acceptance of these horrors. However, I feel that I may have been overloading myself with too much of these material that it's taking a toll on me and I find myself struggling to get up each morning with all these thoughts floating around and me trying to break them down into acceptance.

A couple of nights ago I almost retched into the toilet bowl while trying to finish a book titled "Child C" by Christopher Spry. It had to do with children taken into social services and being taken to a career, Eunice Spry. The book evolving around how this woman mentally and physically tortured these children. She inflicted upon them horrible "punishments" such as starving them, asking them to eat what they have thrown up, eating their own waste, beating them till they bled and force-feeding them all sorts of detergents like bleach, TCP, dish-washing liquid and many others. Sometimes, the children would puke and she would make them eat what they have thrown up. These are all horrible concepts for one to stomach, especially for one coming from a peaceful society like Singapore where cases of domestic abuse are rare and almost unheard of. Reading this book, I realized that these children have never argued or resisted the torture inflicted upon them and in fact succumbed themselves to accept whatever "punishment" Eunice Spry had churned out at them. The use of "punishment" meaning that they had done nothing to deserved it. In the first place, this type of "punishment" cannot even be labeled as punishment as it is by no means any type of behavior one should ever be made to do or even accustomed to. It is pure torture. It made me grieve how much these children have had to endure so much so to the point that they can't even resist. To some of them, it has become a custom and they think nothing of it as they believe that this is what life is supposed to be. These things have become a norm for them. Therefore, they have no reason to deny it so they succumb to it.

It takes a very different type of person than the type we usually know to mete out these type of abuse. I for one cannot imagine how one human being can inflict these types of torture on another human being. Adding to this knowledge, I have also read about how parents or members of authority have sexually abused a young child whom they are supposed to love and care for. They have instead abused their power and violated the innocence of these little children. To put myself in the situation of any of these young children, I sometimes admire how some of them can pull themselves up and look into the future, building a wonderful life up for themselves. The betrayal of love and trust would have been too hard for me to withstand. I would have offed myself in a second. I feel that it's the environment and life that was all they have known since they were brought into this world. They have taken and suffered so much that they have become strong individuals. As for myself, I feel blessed being brought into this world into the arms of loving parents, a wonderful peace-loving society and lovely siblings. I feel for these people who have suffered and I want to help them. I guess this is why Psychology was my choice.

Looking past domestic abuse, I have also read how life can turn so drastically that it is overwhelming. There have been individuals who have been living a wonderful and wholesome life, life so safe and secure that they think nothing could ever happen to take it all away from them. It can happen, it has happened. I read about how a young woman, living happily with her husband and young child had her life thrown into complete disaster one afternoon bringing her little girl out for a stroll. Her child was less than a year or a year old and she was pushing the little girl around in a pram for a walk around the park. She had walked to a secluded area of the park and was sitting down either reading a book or enjoying the atmosphere of the park when a man whom she had known by face sat down beside her. The man played a little with her child and then suddenly looked at her saying if she wanted her young child to be safe she had better do exactly what he said. It was then that she noticed that there was virtually not a single person around her. Worried for her child she did exactly as she was told and walked to a spot nearby with the man. The man had ordered her to undress and was soon violating her. He didn't rape her. He had in fact inserted his entire arm into her womanhood. The pain had been so intense that she had passed out. Due to this, she had to have numerous surgeries to her womb and was told she could never conceive again. As a woman, I cannot imagine the amount of pain she had to endure and I was having trouble breathing trying to accept this new piece of knowledge into my system. Singapore is a very conservative society. Schools have been educating their students about abstinence till marriage. Rape and sexual intercourse with minors are considered serious offenses and what had happened to this woman is definitely unheard of here. My brain and heart had come to an absolute standstill when I read that the man was only given 5 years in jail. It seemed that there was a loophole in the law and as he has not raped her, it was not counted as rape and they could only charge him with violence towards another individual. The total injustice of the incident and what the woman had to endure was just overwhelming. I could hardly sleep that night as what I have read kept playing in my mind. Not to mention, the impact of the incident on her. She eventually had to leave her husband as she could not stand the thought of another man coming near her.

As a woman, I find myself struggling to accept a concept like this. The pain she had to go through both mentally and physically is unimaginable. All I can tell myself to comfort myself is that something like this would never happen in Singapore but after reading all the material I have read, unimaginable has become reality and I find myself feeling and grieving for this woman - How she has endured the pain, pulled herself to her feet for the sake of her child, and continued living and building up a wonderful life for herself and her child. It is difficult to understand how individuals who are practically strangers, who have possibly no vengeance or grievances towards each other can actually inflict that much pain on the other. I guess there is much I don't know about the world out there and alot more material I have to read to allow myself to accept these types of circumstances and events that are happening in a world so much closer to home than I realize.

Death is another thing I've been finding hard to accept, the circumstances of death being the most potent factor. For me, death within the people close to me has been extremely rare. The only death of a loved one I have experienced is the death of my grandfather. I have never been really close to my grandfather, save for the time when I was around 5 to 6 years old when I was living with my grandparents. At that time, my parents had just purchased land for a corner terrace and it was in the process of construction. My parents had sold their condo unit and so we went to live with my grandparents. Although I was never close to my grandfather, the only time I've ever really spoken to him being asking why he smoked so much and should smoke less; for which years later when I mentioned it to my mom I got chided saying I was lucky I didn't get yelled at, I still felt a great sense of loss when he passed away. He had passed on due to lung cancer. Death had never been something I have experienced and the first time I experienced it, I was 18. I was a little old realizing that death meant I could never see the person or ever converse with the person again and each time I went to my grandparents' house I would never see the familiar, thin and dark figure sitting at the desk on the side of the house. Well, I was a late bloomer in the sense of experiences. I would admit that due to my lifestyle, I doubt I'd be able to withstand or deal with hardship appropriately and the sense of loss would probably simply just overwhelm me. I admire people that are able to deal with hardship because of this and sometimes I feel vulnerable to the world as I lack the threshold to deal with pain and hardship, this is another reason why I'm force-feeding myself to understand, accept and deal with things outside my comfort zone.

I have read recently in Christopher Spry's book about death, with circumstances leading up to it so sudden and horrifying. It was a car accident, with the unfortunate vehicle being reduced from 3.2 to 1.3 in length. The two passengers in the front seat died instantly, the driver was decapitated. As a driver, it hit me hard. I have only acquired my license some months ago and I enjoy fast drives, giving myself a time-limit as competition. After reading about this particular incident, I've been more afraid and have been driving slower recently. I'm not sure if Mel has noticed but I've reduced my speed and have been more careful when making turns or cutting. It's a horrible way to die, being decapitated and I don't want to bring harm to those with me in the car. Although Christopher Spry, like me who wasn't all that close to my grandfather, was not close to the two people that passed on in the accident - he in fact had the grounds to hate them, but still he was upset and overwhelmed at first. Death is difficult to accept on all grounds and it's a painful thing to accept and to live with. Still, for me the first step is still accepting. Only when you learn to accept, you can then move on.

Overall, the time I have spent reading have been taxing and emotionally difficult sometimes, quite a difference for an avid reader like myself. Reading used to be my solace and I loved it, but the material I now read is disturbing and sometimes difficult, very difficult to accept. Still, I will persevere till the time I can find these material intriguing and acceptable. With time, I would be able to help people, but acceptance still comes first.

Happy 4th Month Anniversary, Dearest!

2008-11-03T14:02:00.001+08:00

I had such a great time yesterday that I practically concussed for the entire of Sunday. I guess it had to do with all the emotions running high. I was unusually excited for the entire day! Excitement, or rather extreme excitement is rather rare for me as I'm more of a pessimistic sort of person. I guess Mel just brings out the best in me! (=

Well, I spent the good part of the late morning getting ready and rushing off places to get Mel's presents. I really hope he likes them; the WOTLK hopefully taking a load off his shoulders. I ended up being half an hour late for our date. Luckily for me, Mel's insatiable diet just saved me so he was all smiles when I arrived.

We started off with a movie, Sing to the Dawn. It's apparently from a book written by a local author. It was more of a musical-type movie, with animations, but it was good. Really inspiring and entertaining, I was afraid we would be bored.

Anyway, the real highlight I guess would be dinner time. He brought me to the Crystal Jade Restaurant, I can't remember the full name but it's different from the main branch. It's the one with ultra-ultra delicious xiao long baos! Yummy! My mouth's still watering thinking about them! I'm anxiously waiting for the next time Mel brings me there =P I've got some pics of the evening! I absolutely insisted we take them for memory archiving, I think Mel must have been extremely annoyed at the consistent flashing of my camera phone, and I felt like an absolute tourist, snapping photos of everything like it was all foreign to me. Heh.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Here we are, the stars of the evening:

Here we are, waiting for our food! Look at Mel, can't you just hear him saying, "When do we eat, Dear?!". He looks so sad and hungry heh.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Some pics of our delicious food:

Don't they just look delicious?! I'm hungry looking at them again )=

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Our table when it was full....

Best meal ever? When are we going again dear?! *whine*

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

He looks right in his element! So enthusiastic! Quite different from when we last saw him huh. *grinz

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Yummy xiao long bao! Me sucking out it's juices! MmmMmm... sounds wrong though >,<

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Delicious as it was, I couldn't finish it all. Too full )=

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Two very satisfied customers! (: Mel's so satisfied he's falling asleep! Meh >,<

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Our evening doesn't end here! Full as we were we still managed some dessert! What better way to end a perfect date than to drive through Macdonalds and enjoy your desert in the comfort of your own car? That's just what we did.

A vanilla milkshake and a hot fudge sundae! Guess who's having the hot fudge sundae (=

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Well, it's the perfect dessert! I don't care if I gain 323564621 pounds!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I'm going to remember this day for a very long time! It may have been a simple date - going to the movies, having dinner and then dessert, but what matters is who you spend it with and how you feel in their presence. To me, I enjoyed and relished every single moment yesterday and I believe Mel did to. You can comment if I'm wrong Mel. Heh. Who says dreams don't come true? I've found the perfect man.

Mel, you make my life complete.

Forgetting

2008-11-01T05:20:00.001+08:00

It's been four months and I still keep finding it hard to believe you're mine. It still seems like a dream to me and I feel that you would just dissipate, like you never existed, if I don't see you and touch you. I know that it makes me seem incredibly clingy and possessive and I hate being that way because I know how it feels to be possessed, in more ways than one. It's a horrible feeling that I would never want to inflict on anyone. So, I have been trying; but it's just so hard for me. I can't seem to come to terms with myself, to accept that you have pulled me away from the "hell" I have been living in for the past three years. Of course "hell" would be too harsh a term to label it I suppose, but that's what it feels like when I compare it to now. This is putting a strain on our relationship for sure but you and I are both willing to make it work, and it makes me feel that I'm not trying hard enough when I see the amount of stress and effort you put in to try and make it work, to try and make me forget what happened in the past. I feel that I have failed you miserably. My insecurities and misgivings have to go, after all you've done nothing to make me feel insecure about. When I sum up everything we have been through, I still feel that the good times outweigh the bad times tenth-fold and I'm happy being with you, I have no reason to be upset or emo about anything!

Well, now that that's off my chest, I feel that I should write about something cheerful. After all, everything I've written about so far is so bleak and depressing.

Tomorrow is my four-month aniversary with M and I'm really excited! I just can't wait to see what he has planned (= I almost feel like a teenager again, putting together my clothes and makeup in my head, wondering what accessories would go best with my outfit and I can't believe I'm all giggles and smiles thinking about the romantic movie we're watching and how I can snuggle up close to him. OMG. I'm acting like my boy-crazy-idol-chasing, fourteen year old sister, and I thought I was way past that stage! Well, it's just that M makes me feel so young and carefree and un-tied-down. He makes me think and worry less about the future and think and live more for the moment and that's the best thing I can ever have. From now on, no more moody, emo char! It's just bubbly, excited, cheerful char! After three years of disappearing, I'm back again. It's nice to be me again and I only have M to thank for that.

Happy 4th Month Anniversary, Dear. I love you with all my heart. <3<3<3

-xoxo the smelly priest